Questions to ask yourself when dating
I read a lot of cover letters when we hire people at Everyday Feminism, and I’ve learned that most people do a lot more of either one or the other – and that’s imbalanced. Because for any relationship to work – whether romance or employment – there has to be a clear and obvious understanding that you both need one another on some level and that you both will fulfill your duties to bring the other adequate satisfaction.And in a relationship with a toxic partner, what tends to happen is that you’re bringing your partner a whole lot of satisfaction, but they’re not really bringing it for you in return.What do you offer to your partner – emotionally, intellectually, sexually, and even financially – that benefits them? And – just like in the cover letter activity – those lists should be pretty evenly spread.When you think of the word “sacrifice,” what comes to mind for you? But it also comes with a general feeling of sadness and defeated resolve. I was in a relationship with a man who was always unhappy with me. It wasn’t like the tearful ones that you see on TV, where a load of loved ones read notes from their pockets begging their person-who-might-have-a-problem to find themselves again. But my mother did get me in a place where I couldn’t easily escape – her car – and, sweetly but sternly, expressed that she had something to say and that I wasn’t going to like it. But you can choose who you’re with.” I remember seeing her eyes mist while I sat, staring ahead, and just said, “Okay.” At the time, I was in a toxic relationship.Solemnly, I would tell them, “I can’t answer that for you.
He wanted the Melissa that he had painted in his head, not the one standing in front of him.
Although he never caused me direct pain, physically or emotionally, he was constantly disappointed in me – and therefore distant, leaving me in a constant state of desperation. Because the truth was, despite it all, I loved him – and that love was not enough.